Of Ladies and Dragons
by Lyon Falenas
Summary: Bathing a dragon leads into hijinks from the teenage pretty boys. SII Futch, Sasuke, Luc


_Disclaimer: Suikoden is Konami's property, I just come up with mindless stories involving characters outside of the game mechanics._

_And yes, another Suikoden one… this ties a bit into several things. While the plot is very obviously the second game, some of the ideas actually are based on things in the third game, (dragons in the bath) and dragonhorses from the 5th game. It is meant to be absolutely silly._

_And this is proof I do not know how to write anything short. _

Of Ladies and Dragons

"You need help to do what?" Luc said, his eyebrow arched an a sharp glare toward the two boys before him. He tolerated when they came up with a combo attack to combine rune magic and brute strength. Of course much of why he endured it at all was it took no effort on his part and they learned quickly to not complain when they took some residual damage. However, the current request proved that Futch and Sasuke were idiots in the worst way possible.

Futch beamed as he held the small white dragon out at arm's length. "But it will be good for him!"

The young ninja boy gave no real expression but merely commented, "I just want to see how people will react!"

"Sasuke, this isn't a joke. Everyone else here uses it so why can't he?"

Sighing, Luc wished that he would be left at the stone tablet more often. Moreso, he wished that Leknaat didn't send him to these strange castles with so many dysfunctional people in the sake of destiny. However, seeing that neither of these two boys would leave him alone and thus he was stuck with them, he felt the need to try and convey some form of common sense. "Futch, why in the world would you take a dragon into the bath? He's a dragon, not a dragonhorse and has no clue what you are doing to him."

Eyes widening, it was clear that the former dragon knight was not happy with that response. He had been raised to believe that dragon and knight's lives were equal. "I know he's not a dragonhorse! Just because they are different doesn't mean that he would like it less! Come on, just distract the guy outside and let us sneak in with him."

"No, it's late and I want to sleep."

Sasuke walked over to Luc, draping an arm over the shoulder and attempted to appeal to teenage hormones, "You know, I did see Jeane, Rina and Theresa near the bath a few minutes ago. There's a place in the wall where the wood has rotted a bit and you can get a good view of things."

Detached or not, that certainly offered some incentive to the seventeen year old mage. The one advantage to being sent off by the blind woman was being exposed to such wonders. At about three hundred years old and female she didn't know what hormones could do. He turned away, attempting to hide his blush. He didn't want to give the wrong impression, particularly with these two. He couldn't let them think he was a pervert like them.

Seeing that they had gotten his interest, Futch played along, knowing that when pushed the right way, Luc was surprisingly easy to convince. "Oh yeah. And Sasuke? Isn't there some sort of bet the guys make in the pub on how big Jeane's breasts are? Viktor's convinced that they are at least DD."

"Could be bigger," Sasuke commented, holding out his hands in a demonstration, highly exaggerated, of the supposed breasts. "But it's not like Luc would have any clue what to do with something like that…"

"And you're one to talk!" Luc said, now visibly flustered and trying to hold his own, "how often do you see Kasumi and act like a bumbling idiot? Don't tell me you know anything about women!."

Laughing a bit Futch nearly forgot his entire goal. The idea of either of his companions attempting to sneak a peek at some of the more desirable females involved in the war was far more amusing. He mentally made bets on how they would react. Sasuke would probably be obvious and get them caught in a matter of seconds. Luc on the other hand would probably try to hide his own perversion, trying not to look; however, it was a near given that he wouldn't pass up the chance. Even if he did try to avoid it, he would probably get forced into it.

Of course he wasn't sure how he would react. It would be a welcome change of pace after traveling with Humphery for years, but it wasn't like the heavy built soldier ever prevented him from his own exploration. In fact, one of his few comments he had made was that it was natural at his age. He just hadn't had the opportunity until now to act on that.

It was Sasuke who led the way, having clasped a hand firmly on Luc's shoulder and practically dragging him along through the twisted passageways and along many stairs. Futch merely followed, cautiously toting Bright over his shoulder and smirking at the image of Sasuke leading the way and Luc having resigned, his hand going up to his shaking head.

Several wrong turns had led them into a cooking battle between the eccentric chef Hai Yo and one of the countless other chefs who seemed to arrive from time to time. Luc had taken only a bite of each dish before universally giving the lowest score, muttering something about it being a waste of his time. Sasuke, who seemed to be in a bad mood at the knowledge that he could miss out on seeing cute girls in the bath, also reflected it in the scores. Once they had finished, and practically ensured their exclusion from any other contest again, they raced back toward the baths, Bright giving a slight squawk as he was jostled uncomfortably by his master.

They stopped just shy of the bath entrance, and noticed that for once it was a normal soldier guarding the entrance rather than the bath-master. He must have gone to bed already.

"Alright, just go up there and complain and then we'll sneak into the bath with Bright." Futch explained.

Annoyed, Luc's eyes narrowed and his voice took its usual harsh tone, "why do you need me for that? That knucklehead can do that just fine. The bath is one of the few good things here!"

Futch shrugged and ignored Sasuke's fist clenching at the reference to him, "Eh, everyone's just used to you doing that is all. I mean, look at the chefs..."

"Just because I don't eat everything put in front of me like an idiot..."

Sneaking up behind Luc, Sasuke whispered into the angry brunette's ear, "Come on, think of the ladies over there... You can hear splashing right? I mean you're from Harmonia right? Theresa almost passes as a babe from there you know."

Sighing Luc relented, having lost the battle but refusing to let on, "You are a hopeless fool, Sasuke." Despite the fact that he complained, he trudged up to the person manning the baths and struck up a conversation with the hapless guy about dirty, cold water and undergarments left behind from some unsavory character. Having only been a volunteer to take the overnight shift, all the victim could do was stammer and explain that he didn't hear anything of it.

Meanshile, Futch and Sasuke quickly passed by, walking closely in the hopes that their bodies would mostly conceal the unmistakable features of the white dragon from the distracted guard. Once in the changing area, the dragon was deposited on one of the benches and left to watch as the other boys began stripping their own clothing for the bath.

A minute or so later, Luc joined them, hardly looking at them as he took the opposite end of the room and started removing this own outfit, folding each peace carefully and laying it beside him.

It was quickly obvious that except for them the male half of the bath was thankfully empty, with most having already gone to bed or in the tavern downing any bottle of alcohol in sight.

Walking along the wall, the hole was plainly obvious and it seemed odd that nobody else had taken notice of such a defect yet. There was the sound of water moving as well as a hushed female voice. So they were still there. Listening, the boys smirked, this was it. And there was nobody to possibly catch them on this.

"Okay so who's first?" Sasuke asked.

"Well you're the one all gungho about the whole thing. So why don't you get whatever it is out of your system." Luc replied.

Not just Sasuke's face, but most of his body seemed to turn bright red at the suggestion and he shuffled his legs slightly from underneath the bath towel he had draped around his waist. "Uh... well..." he stammered, "you g..g.go first. I...mean... you did the... the... work."

Luc glanced at Futch who chuckled slightly, seeming to find more amusement in the other two boys than he had interest in actually participating. "Fine..." he said before putting his eye against the hold and peering in.

The gag reflex kicked in almost immediately when he saw an old woman being settled into the water by a woman who might have rivaled Viktor and Humphery in the muscle build. Taki and Ouran were certainly not anything near Rina, Theresa or Jeane. It was quite possibly one of the most unglamorous combinations possible. Not one to betray anything, he simply turned to Sasuke and directed him to the peeping hole. "Alright your turn."

Confused, Sasuke and Futch both raised eyebrows. They couldn't make out any visible reaction. They had expected something, a mere sign that he was a teenage boy. "Jeeze, what the heck made you so uptight?"

"Just go and have your fun so we can dump the dragon in the bath and get back," Luc said, "I think enough of my time's been wasted already."

Taking his turn, Sasuke looked and almost immediately blanched... "Ugh.. what the? Eww old lady!" Sasuke literally jumped back, his foot catching the side of the bath momentarily before he slipped in, water coming out from the waves. Several moments were spent with Sasuke attempting to stand and sputtering and he pointed an accusing finger at Luc, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Luc merely shrugged, his mouth turned into a malicious smirk. This was his way of paying them back and his own form of entertainment. "It's not like I lied or anything."

Curiosity did get the better of Futch who made his own inspection. While the old lady was certainly not the most appealing of sights, he didn't understand the reaction of disgust. It wasn't like Taki was the only person in the bath. "You are overreacting. The other one's kinda cute actually.

"Huh that's supposed to be a chick?" Sasuke exclaimed, his face seeming to take on a slight green tint at the prospect. He had assumed someone was confused and the old lady was too blind to notice.

"Yes because a guy would be on the other side of the bath," Luc said, unceremoniously plopping himself into the bathwater. "That was kinda gross thoug,." he admitted.

Futch looked toward the door to see Bright wandering about after being left in the dressing room before grabbing him and joining the others in the large tub, "I like it though."

"Huh?" Both asked.

Carefully holding the baby dragon's head above the water, Futch explained, "I like a woman who has a little muscle."

Sasuke's face continued to show some disbelief, "that's not exactly a little! There are guys who look more girly than her!"

"I don't know which is worse, " Luc commented, "the fact that Sasuke is looking at guys or the fact that Futch is turned on by a woman who looks more like the bear man than anything." The comparison caused an awkward silence and a sense of embarrassment between all three of them.

Embarrassed, Sasuke offered his only solution before pulling himself out of the tub, "Let's never speak about this again." None of them complained.


End file.
